Good Morning Friends!
I have to be perfectly honest - today has been very trying. Between today & yesterday, with today being worse, I have been feeling a pit of despair working its way to take hold of my heart. I have been feeling pretty down. Just within a few days, my hair loss has been getting progressively worse. In the area that is already bald, it has gotten bigger. It is confirmed by the pictures I have been taking & using as a side by side comparison. The hair along my hairline is starting to thin out as well. Knowing my hair is falling out at an accelerated rate & with so many unknowns of how things will develop, I have been feeling myself want to slide into this self-loathing & self-pity state of mind. This is very much unlike me because I do not think this way at all. I've realized how easy it is to fall into this trap & have been reaching out to Jesus as my lifeline. I feel if it wasn't for my faith in Jesus Christ, I would be on the farther spectrum of despair.
A few times today, I have felt like I wanted to just stop everything I was doing & cry. It is one of the worse feelings I felt. But I didn't stop what I was doing - I can't say I didn't cry but I kept pushing through. Why? Because I know my faith in Jesus Christ will bring me through whatever I am about to walk through. It is uncomfortable & unpleasant but I have never been closer to Jesus than I am at this moment in time. I know if I were to just break down, these feelings would over take me. I am weak but he is too strong to let me go down that path. As I spent time in the Lord's word today, I realize the error I have been making & why these feelings are coming on so strongly. I have been focusing on the problem rather than the problem solver. I am allowing what I am going through choke me up rather than keeping my eyes on the goal & on the one above. I have been letting my joy be robbed amidst the trials I am currently facing. Which led me to the question I asked myself today - Is it possible to have joy amidst the trials?
Of course this answer is a resounding yes. Maybe I should have reworded this questions with "How can I find joy amidst these trials?" What I have found is when I begin to feel these emotions well up, I turn on Spotify to the Christian station & I instantly feel my body ease. Hearing the praises and promises in song is soothing & nourishing to my soul. It gets me out of the downward spiral mindset and helps me focus on God instead. When I was able to get to a mindset where I could sit down with God's word, I prayed. I prayed for understanding, I prayed for a stronger faith & I prayed the Lord would help me focus more on him than my own problems. As I dived into his word, he did not hold back.
I found an article on Bible.org. It was more of a commentary but it helped bring so much understanding to the question I was asking. I will link the website down below if you are interested in reading it. Of the entire article, three things stayed in the forefront of my mind - Trials have purpose, keep your salvation the center of your focus despite what happens here on earth, & God uses trouble in order to comfort us so we can comfort those who go through any trouble. I'll break down why these three key points stuck out to my mind.
Trials have purpose. I come from a perspective where if there was no God, life itself would be futile and meaningless. For what point would there be to work laboriously day & night, gain morals & character, & strive for greatness if we are just to fade away after 70 years or so. There would be no point to anything & what a fruitless existence that would be. But there is a God & a purpose for everything we do. Trials are not excluded from purpose. The Lord uses trials to develop the character he wants to see in us. He uses trials to draw us closer to him as he seeks a relationship with us endlessly. Sometimes we are just too hard headed to listen so he has to shake us a bit to get us to see him. He also uses trials to discipline & humble us. I think we can all be a little full of ourselves from time to time. Trials are just another way of God saying, "hold your horses & stop getting too big for your britches." I'm sure there are a million more reasons why God chooses trials to mold & shape us, each of us is unique & he will use whatever means necessary to get us to where he wants us to be. A few verses stood out to me regarding this topic:
Hebrews 12:7 - "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their fathers?"
Hebrews 12:11 - "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness & peace for those who have been trained by it."
Psalms 119:67 - "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word."
1 Corinthians 11:30-32: "30. That is why many among you are weak, & sick, & a number of you have fallen asleep. 31. But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgement. 32. Nevertheless, when we are judged in this way by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be finally condemned with the world."
With learning about why we face trials, one key point always comes out of every trial - regardless of the trial. "Keep your salvation the center of your focus no matter what happens here on earth." No matter what it is the Lord wants us to learn & take away from our trials, the biggest thing he seeks is our dependence on him. He wants us to look away from our trials and look to him as the one who provides salvation & safe refuge. He reminds us many times throughout the bible to keep our eyes to the rewards of heaven & not the rewards of earth. You can also translate that into "keep your eyes on the savior, your healer & redeemer, not on the Goliath standing before you." This is a turning point where the Lord is drawing us near during times of trouble. When we are weak, he is strong. One saying I always love is - "Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is!"
2 Corinthians 6:10 - "Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, & yet possessing everything."
1 Peter 1:6-9 - "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory & honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible & glorious joy, 9. for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
Lastly, I believe the Lord uses trials as a way to comfort us so in turn, we will know how to comfort others. Imagine this, if we never went through any trials, any difficulties, or any failures, how on earth would we be able to relate to others? If our lives were lived in bubbles, how could we hug & provide comfort for someone who lost everything, or lost a loved one? How could we empathize with someone dealing with a debilitating disease? The answer is simple - we couldn't. We can have compassion but we would never know what that person is going through or how to even provide some level of comfort. We would effectively remain unattached. God uses trials as a way to show his mercy, his love & his care for us. If everything were perfect at all times, how would we see the need for God? He uses these trials to show us & remind us that he is always there. The points of scripture where I gathered this inspiration from comes from verse in 2 Corinthians:
2 Corinthians 1:3-6: "3. Praise be to the God & the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion & the God of all comfort, 4. who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort & salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."
The thing I have realized is how much I need God through these trials. My relationship with the Lord is so much more important than what I have going on in this world today. In the blog post I wrote the other day, I said my daily mantra was "Don't be afraid! Just Believe! You will be healed!" Something is telling me I need to print a few copies out and plaster it around the house as a constant reminder. I refuse to let this disease take me down! I am the daughter of the one true King! I will fight, I will overcome & I will choose joy amidst the trials! If things do not turn out the way I want & expect, if God closes all the doors, then I will just stand there & praise him in the hall.
Have you experienced a loss of joy in the midst of your trials? Have you found your way back to joy in the Lord? In what ways have you been able to stay in close relationship with the Lord? Through prayer? Scripture? Service? Please share your story & any helpful tips to draw closer to the Lord.
Mahalo,
Brittany Bowman
Philippians 4:8-9: "Finally, brothers & sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. 9. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Here is the article where I gained all my inspiration from today.
